Archive for July, 2010


Where The Heart Is

I spent last weekend at a writer’s conference.  The leaders call us a “tribe.” Interesting appellation.

This morning in an editorial by Roger Cohen of the NY Times called Modern Odysseys, he writes of his impending return to London after living thirty years in New York. This leads to reflecting on his mother’s terrible homesickness that drew her into such a deep depression she almost took her own life.  She was born in South Africa—in a sunny warm, dry climate, but after her marriage she moved to London—damp, dreary, cold London. She ached so much for her “home” that despite her love for her family, that ache almost overcame her love.

I am part of my own Diaspora. On both ends. I moved across the country nearly twenty years ago with my husband and four children. We left family, friends, culture and climate. Three of my four children live far enough away from home, in Boston, Nashville and Austin, to require planning and traveling for a visit. Our youngest child promises that as soon as he can he’s moving as far away from the Texas heat as his career will take him.

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A Good Season

It’s been a good season.

The kids—and grandson- and the one on the way- are healthy—our work is getting out in the world.  Our youngest son is stepping into his acting career with a bit of style and good graces. Serendipity is one way of putting it—events and people winding around to meet him and offer him new doors in which to make a grand entrance.  He’s always had an abundance of confidence and a sense of destiny—so far it seems he was right. When he was a toddler he told stories about how he and Jesus hung out in heaven before he was born arranging this family and plotting his path.  Having lived longer than he, I hope he always remembers these moments of grace when life throws up the inevitable obstacles.

Over the years I have discovered that getting through tough times—times of struggle and doubt and pain—that the act of remembering the good seasons, the abundance and blessings, joys, laughter, just plain peace and contentment, can act as a lifeline to hang onto when we feel battered.  There comes a point, or several, when we understand the De Profundis Psalm 130:  Out of the depths I cry to you o Lord.  Lord, hear my prayer.

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Slap Upside the Head

I knew what I was doing.  Put the cookie in my mouth.  Look at the bag; put another cookie in.  I knew this was not the best choice, or even a good choice. But there were only a few left.  They’ll just get stale, right?

Once you’ve had two, what’s one more?

At midnight, the chocolate chips squishing between my teeth with that perfect balance of flour and egg that makes the dough, I tried not to think of the morning when my pants will be snug.

I wish the weight I had put on over the years would just go away, puff! Then I could wake up and have my twenty-one year old body back.  Cookies at midnight are not the best way to make that happen. I know. I know. But really, would instant weight loss be good for me? I don’t mean medically—I mean that other stuff— where the mixed feelings and the protective instincts live.

Here, have another cookie.  They taste so good, don’t they? Tomorrow is another day. I’ll think about it tomorrow, just like Scarlet O’Hara.

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Memento Mori

Tempus fugit, memento mori.

Last week I attended one memorial service and one funeral.

The week before, I visited my father in New York. He lives in a nursing home since his stroke nearly four years ago. He celebrated his 91st birthday in March. His range of motion is either bed or a wheelchair and the weekly trips my brothers manage for him in a handicap van. He is hooked up to a feeding tube and cannot bathe himself or attend to his own personal needs. But his mind is good. He still has his sense of humor and dry wit. He is still himself. He just is not able to do the many things he once took for granted.
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